Okay, before you continue on reading...please wipe the puzzled look off of your faces lol. The title of the blog will be explained as the post progresses.
Now Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately (when am I not doing a lot of thinking?) and I have some questions and thoughts that need some clarity. I'm confused, alarmed, stumped, and inquisitive. About what you say? About us WOMEN.
We all hear the stories of our Black women settling and not demanding higher of themselves; theres also the woman with the battered self esteem who seems to be the butt of everyone's ridicule and jokes. Maybe its just me but it seems to be a bit TOO common nowadays! Low self esteem seems to be an epidemic in the community where some REFUSE to acknowledge their illness. And its not just the women who come from poverty and "physically" broken homes....other social brackets are feeling it too. Its become common knowledge now that there are far more women than there are men in the United States and for the girl who has already preplanned how she wants her life to go (uh-oh!) this puts a bit strain on her goals. Most girls dream of getting their dream job, dream home. and the dream man and kids to go with it...well if the ratio of women to men is 8:1 (hypothetically speaking)then she has to worry about 4 other women with the same dreams, 2 who are ruining this man because of the men in the past, and 1 maneater. Does the possession of this knowledge help or hurt the woman's expectations in her future man? It can do both. A woman in hot pursuit (dont front like youre NOT on a set timeline to get married and have children) of the Mrs. and Mommy title will ameliorate her qualifications so that she will stand out against the other women. Orrrr, she can become pessimistic in her search, give up, and settle for the next man who encounters her. Its a good number of intelligent and beautiful women settling and permitting the actions of a mentally juvenile man to affect their lives because of fear of being "alone". Should the pointing of fingers commence after this has been realized? I mean, who really is at fault for these women feeling like they are nothing but broken glass in a Tiffany's box? We all know for most that inside of those "Tiffany's boxes" (the outward presentation of the woman: beautiful, demanding of reverance) contain "diamonds" (their personality and soul) that once the light of God (or whichever deity you worship) hits it an array of colors and wonders shine throughout the world. But they don't feel it. Lets be honest, if you keep running into malevolent individuals whose sole purpose is to deceive you and milk you of your good spirits after a while some negative feelings towards that group of people begin to harbor in your mind and if prolonged...your heart (hence the phrases "whats wrong with men nowadays?" and "n*ggas aint sh*t"). Should the woman be to blame for allowing these individuals to possess such power over her self-worth? Women are expected to know their self-worth; how can this be acquired if they were never properly taught how to love themselves? Self-worth isnt innate; if that were so then we wouldnt EVEN be having this discussion. Is it Daddy's fault for being absent (physically and/or emotionally) for not assuring his daughter that she is indeed beautiful and hipping her to the mindsets and actions of the opposite sex? *Sidebar: I brought up the emotional aspect of absenteeism because a lot of people seem to think that because both parents are in their lives that there is adequate support to raise a child properly. Thats like saying because you have a pitcher of water just sitting in a greenhouse that the plants are being taken care of. NOT TRUE.* Is it the mother's fault for not assuring the daughter that her existence should not be validated by the presence of a male in her life? Some women in a relationship where children are involved are not even aware of their OWN self-worth, so how can she teach her child that? Or is it the men who continuously harp on the emotional weaknesses of these women who are to blame? Can just one group be to blame for this plight? With the constant name callings of "whore", "slut", "basic b*tch", and "b*tch", is society's ridicule alerting the individuals of their internal problems or does it increase the denial amongst the "hidden" parties to avoid coming to terms with their ways (Lets be honest, again. In every group of female friends there is the one who thinks highly of herself because she believes it and the other girl who APPEARS to think highly of herself but "secretly" commits the actions of a "desperate woman" and doesn't want to be ridiculed by her friends and society). People front like they havent had a bout with their self esteem before; should those who constantly hash these names out take a good look in the mirror before calling names? UGH! I dunno...
In conclusion, I truly hope my thoughts came across clearly to you all because I am seeking ideas and solutions from you. My intentions with information and subjects like this is to form my own non-profit organization that prides itself on building the self esteem and self-worth of individuals so that in turn they can build families of children with a healthy mindset of who they are and what theyre worth. Right now Im in the research stage because I want to understand FULLY what the problem is so that my organization can provide feasible and productive solutions. Being that Ive struggled/am struggling with low self-esteem and feelings of self-worthlessness I wish to chronicle my thoughts and actions during the struggles so that once I am delivered my testimony can be someone elses motivation to strive for better things and mindsets. But anywho, I really would like to see some discussion come from this. Keep in mind that what may be common sense to you is NOT common sense to someone else, so even if the points made here or by someone else may seem like old news please continue to offer your opinion and solution on it. Thanks.
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I wanted to make a comment as soon as I read this, but I couldn't think if anything coherent at the time . . . but, thinking about it now, you make some good points.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the lack of self esteem, in my opinion, there is enough blame to go around to everyone. Anybody who has ever said anything derrogatory, or hurtful, or mean spirited has contributed. So basically, thats everyone.
However, just as one word can tear you down, one word can also build you up, and I think that this blog and what you want to do with starting that non-profit is a great way to help counteract all the negativity that gets thrown around.
Being someone who also suffered/suffers from low self esteem, I know just how much a few words of encouragement can mean to someone who is feeling down, whether they show it or not.
I wish you much success on this endeavor; the world needs more of this :-)
I knew I should've replied when I first read this. I agree with a lot of what you've said. When we talk about whose fault it is that many women focus on getting a man instead of working on themselves & building their self-worth, we have to realize that there are a lot of factors at work. We still live in a male-dominated society, and at almost every point young girls are bombarded with the message that they haven't "achieved" anything until they've nabbed a man. This has been going on for years and years, so you have the same message being passed down from mother to daughter to granddaughter. Even when it's not intentional, the whole "you need to find a man" mantra is repeated a lot more than messages like "you're special with or without a man," etc. And I agree with you that we as women don't do ourselves any favors by using derogatory terms towards each other (though we're ready to fight let a man say it).
ReplyDeleteI love the idea for your non-profit. I have a very similar idea that focuses on exposing young girls to various aspects of life and cultivating their strengths so that they can overcome some of the obstacles they'll face as adults. Anyway, great post!